Starting Work? Ground Your Helicopter Parents
The Helicopter Parent Phenomena
If you’re a member of the Millennial generation, the odds are pretty good that you’ve been the beneficiary of—or suffered through—the “helicopter parent” phenomena.
When you were tiny, Mom likely mounted a bright, yellow “Precious Cargo” sign on one of the family’s car windows and cooed that you were just the most special baby ever born. A few years later, when the t-ball or soccer season came to an end, Dad probably insisted that you deserved a trophy just like everyone else. And if you’re an average Millennial, Mom and Dad continue to remain ever present even as you now begin to make the transition from school to work.
According to some research, Millennials increasingly report they're accustomed to constant parental involvement. Last year the College of Business and Economics at West Virginia University surveyed 340 students. When queried about writing a resumé or a cover letter, nearly seven out of 10 Millennials said it was “somewhat” or “very appropriate” to receive help from their parents. One-fifth thought it was fine to have their parents contact a prospective employer.
In response, some employers have begun to communicate directly with their workers’ helicopter parents. In the past year, both LinkedIn and Google have hosted “Take Your Parents to Work Day,” encouraging their newest employees to bring Mom and Dad to the office. Other companies report they are considering similar events.
However, not all employers are thrilled with every helicopter parent’s intervention.
An example of the latter practically screamed at me when I flipped through Sunday’s New York Times. In the Business section, Rob Walker, author of the "Workologist" column, posted a letter from a Connecticut employer. It read in part:
Seven months ago, I hired a 24-year-old part-time worker to replace someone who was going off to college. The job basically involves billing and database entry. Despite months of one-on-one training, this worker is a disaster. He can’t make a decision without consulting his notes on the simplest of tasks, and is thoroughly unproductive, But he is all I have until I hire someone new.
When I was away from the office recently, his mother visited and bad-mouthed me to one of my colleagues. She left a note for me to call her. When I did, she informed me that her son tells his parents “everything,” and that I should basically stop picking on him. Then she told me not to tell her son that she had called.
(To read the entire column including Walker’s response, click here.)
When You Helicopter Parents Hover
As you begin to make the transition from school to work, be prepared to set some new boundaries with your helicopter parents. Before you turn in a big project, if Mom or Dad asks to review your work product, go ahead, roll your eyes, and let them take a peek (assuming confidentiality is not an issue). However, when it comes to negotiating a salary offer or disputing a performance review, before your helicopter parents become involved, impose an immediate ground-stop. Communicate that you appreciate their on-going interest and help, but emphasize that you’re now an adult and fully prepared to handle the challenges that adulthood brings.
When dealing with a helicopter parent, consider the following specific strategies:
Limit communication. Your parents may tell all their friends that you spend way too much time tapping away on your smart phone, but truth be told, they’re the ones who are really addicted to technology. While junior workers increasingly see their smart phones as handcuffs keeping them permanently tied to work, your parents rapidly respond to every ring, buzz and vibration.
If your parent dials you several times per day, he or she is hovering. Let them know that you appreciate their interest and indicate you’re really busy with a specific project. Then promise a long talk during the upcoming weekend.
Hone your personal problem-solving skills. I suspect incidents like the following occur daily: Two Millennials share an apartment. One day someone breaks into their unit. The two Millennials immediately reach out to their landlord and work to develop a plan to improve security. While the three of them work through the details, helicopter parent swoops in and demands the replacement of current locks, the addition of deadbolts, and the installation of new security cameras in the hall.
If and when you face a similar scenario, as soon as your helicopter parent arrives, demonstrate your ability to solve problems on your own. Thank your helicopter parent for his or her on-going interest, and then let them know you have the situation under control. If that doesn’t work, defer describing problems to your helicopter parents until after you've resolved the issue.
This is critically important when it comes to finding solutions to problems that develop at work. While Google and LinkedIn may welcome helicopter parents for an annual visit, employers generally abhor parental interference in work-related issues.
Develop a Parent Management Plan. Your parents will hate me for writing this, but it may be time for you to tell Mom and Dad to “get a life.” From the day their children were born, many helicopter parents rearranged their lives around those of their offspring. Now, it’s time for you to establish that you have a life of your own.
Encourage your parents to pursue their interests while you pursue your own. To the extent they develop strong outside interests, they’ll feel less invested in your absolute happiness.
Help your helicopter parents understand that you recognize the inevitability of life's disappointments. Because they provided you with such a warm and nurturing upbringing, you’re now prepared to take those disappointments in stride. Remind them that you will continue to seek their advice if and when you need it.
Most of the Millennials with whom I work are amused by their helicopter parents’ hesitancy to let go. However, a helicopter parent’s interference at work is no laughing matter. As you transition from school to work, be prepared to set some new boundaries for those parents who hover.
What You Need to Know?
Do not allow a helicopter parent to intervene in any work-related issue that does not involve your health or safety.
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