Too Close For Comfort
Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak to about 120 young lawyers who were participating in a special breakfast series hosted by the New York City Bar. My topic was building strategic alliances—a fancy way of saying “building your network.”
I frequently address networking and follow-up skills in the seminars we offer. After attending the program, participants often stay afterwards and ask questions that, for whatever reason, they felt uncomfortable posing before the larger group.
Yesterday’s most frequently asked question came from young women lawyers who inquired as to how, in a social setting like a networking event, they could ensure that male attendees saw them as professional women, not potential conquests. To my dismay, one young woman lawyer remarked that she has attended networking events and encountered male attendees, who within minutes of meeting her, felt comfortable draping their arm around her shoulders.
I’ve often said that the 1960s and 1970s were terribly unfair to men. Sometime during those two decades, as a society, we tossed out most rules regarding appropriate public behavior between the genders, and unfortunately no one clearly explained the new ones. Gentlemen trained to open the door for an approaching lady have complained to me about the occasions when a woman suddenly turned upon them and angrily said, “I can open my own doors.” In my seminars, I emphasize that I have yet to encounter a gentleman whose intent, when holding a door for me, was to communicate that I am less than a competent professional.
But draping one’s arm around a new contact in a business-social setting crosses the line. At a networking event, gentlemen, please show the same level of respect to female guests as you do to male ones. A firm welcoming handshake is the best approach for members of both sexes.
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